The following is based on true events. Some of the names have been changed/edited to protect the innocent. The names that have not been changed are those of the guilty.
Dear Dr. Burks,
In light of recent events we feel it necessary to submit a letter of apology and to explain the situation to you and to Harding University. We would like to express our sincerest apologies and regrets over the incidents that have occurred over the past few days. The actions we took regarding the function, including the sponsors and the printing of senior wills, were irresponsible and were not intended to bring any harm to the individuals present, to Harding University, or the student body therein.
As graduating seniors we have made every effort to be Christian examples to our fellow students. The senior wills were written in jest, were not an admission of past events, and were not meant to be an affront to Harding or its values.
As far as the accusations regarding the use of inappropriate behavior during and following our function, we want to say that those accusations are completely unfounded and untrue. We realize our actions were thoughtless and we wish to take any possible action to rectify the situation at hand. As of now, we have collected and turned in to Dean C all of the wills in our possession. We have spoken to Dean C at length about the matter and have expressed our sincerest apologies. If necessary we would be more than willing to make a public and/or written apology to whomever it is deemed necessary.
We want to address the accusations in any way we can to clear up this matter. We would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss these matters.
Sincerely,
Jiz, Braintard , Phildo, Hadoken!
5 comments:
The fetus joke was comic gold. That sucker remained funny months after I started it. It's still funny. Although, I'm sure anyone who doesn't know the fetus joke is cringing right now at the idea of a "fetus joke."
I'm curious about the fetus joke. Maybe you've heard this one by George W: NEWSWEEK reports that President Bush, appearing before a right-to-life rally in Tampa, Florida on June 17, stated: "We must always remember that all human beings begin life as a feces. A feces is a living being in the eyes of God, who has endowed that feces with all of the rights and God-given blessings of any other human being." The audience listened in disbelief as the President repeated his error at least a dozen times, before realizing that he had used the word 'feces" when he meant to say "fetus."
What you know about Fetus actually had a fetus. Explain that turn of events. Coincidence I think not....
I still say we should have put the header....This 6th day of May, in the Year of our Lord 2003....
Yes CB, that turn of events was quite poetic. Perhaps it was those years of unknowingly being called Fetus that somehow invaded her subconscious and inspired her to get knocked up.
We all have regrets, Phil. Yours are simply stupider than others. Still, that would've been sweet.
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